everything you could be by now

streaming this
dreaming thus
i turn all inside out
no small change
no ballast
but balls for sure
machete to anchor line
coefficient of drag
queen kinged 
check, mate
mutiny all aboard
the new order
restored
flipped by the flick
of the wrist
the swivel of the hip
the estimation of a tip
nothing is free
the give and take
the push and pull
the fabric wefted
warped
reality shifted
perception freed
off you float
tip the boat
take a deep breath
and denser than tears
freed, out we drift 
out to sea
not to venture
not to search
just to be.

too much love

april showers bring may showers

and june gloom sits high on my breast

my voice hitches when i reach for higher notes

and breaks unexpectedly

the glass bouncing on the linoleum 

checkered floor

bounced check-ered past

it never gets clean 

the footprints 

the crumbs

the trail marked

the bait laid

i can’t believe i fell for it

but i fell for you

and the plummet 

the grace

the second third fourth

resurrection

to know the inner reserves of strength

the depths of one’s heart

the sound it makes when shattered so fully

i know its tone

its tremor

its capacity and capability

there is just enough to 

to safeguard myself

from hardening

and this is

heartening.

image: “too much love”- beatriz martin vidal

http://www.beavidal.com/index.html

talk to me

offline or invisible

we kill off what becomes unresponsive

minute surgeries

cute amputations

we manage the damage

your nickname for me flips between stock endearments 

and back to something tender

and i have no taste for this, no feel for this

ghost limb, if it’s gone-just move on.

am i diminutive or am i regular 

am i adorable or ignorable

what predictable polarity

low calorie lust

burning out on the love lite

portable, not meant to be disposable but not so precious

maybe you favor the generic, predisposed for the proven,

fingers and palms devoid of callouses

no labor of love lost here

a clinical softness

a precise bedside manner 

i cared, you tended,

i split, you then rended.

i uprooted, you upended.

let me tell you

i still remember what your hand feels like around mine

so touching on this

falling flat

the monotone

you’re boring 

me to look within

what did i see

the drone brings me back

captured still in this strange exchange

your voice comes across metallic

your face is breaking down not into atoms

but pixels

worse, something cubist

and i am sucked into the matrix

what is the matter

what does it matter

and around and around

this convoluted conversing goes

nowhere

too quickly to say hang on

it’s best to hang up

you do a bang up

of saying goodbye

and i scan every bit you’ve given me

pause gesture adjust caress 

and you throw your hands up

is it surrender or goodbye?

jackmrhughes:

Therapy Today // Labyrinthitis

now might be never again

if brilliance is

blinding, so be it.

i am trying to

right something within

write something without

but am pulled away

to revisit your kiss

if i cannot describe

that soft sweetness

the moment blooming 

still

and all else is muted

where was i?

and again i tell myself

not all that burns, consumes

i cannot turn away

and thus

may the small hours be made luminous

spun out over some fiber

a fine thread this conversation

a little bit of slack  

the tautness this energy

an unexpected exchange

woven up, taken up

not idly, not intently

by the space between the words

the sweet pause 

if this is how saints are made

i believe again

then bared breast pierced

by infinite thundering heartbeats

outside in

all exposed

blood sounds tidal waves

your hand bringing me in

i close my eyes and still

soft thrill to what

escapes description.

what was i thinking?

if silence is binding

i will sit with you 

the space between words

the way we may find ourselves

leaning forward

not to touch but to be heard

not to know but to feel

your breath on my face

a second wind

and i am not tired

anymore

wired juiced

strung out on hope

forever and ever

amen to this 

cute confusion.

all aligned not a soul maligned

the comeback kid

you asked me back

and tugged

you never did that before

so i came forth

coaxed from my perch

by cries of need

wrung out rang out

sadness a song with

a barbed hook

catching on every loop memory loop

loose thread coming undone

while dropping down

my heart rendered stone

knowing all spent and well ended

as i dropped down

to alight by your side

i confused your tears for mine

i held your hand and

picked a path through

shifting sand

the wind blew my hair into

my eyes, my mouth

and then you vanished

left me alone

a relief to no longer be haunted.

was i so parched

that i imagined this?

walking in circles

a sacred symbol

a ring

two, three

bartered for years then sold

for freedom rings

peals my laughter now

louder or quicker to

bubble forth

the depths of dark

charted to measure

the breadth of light

i had it

i lost it

i get it

i got it

and it is this:

letting go

to fully know

what it is

to hold

be/hold myself.

fairy floss

i’ll pull away at these nights

sometime later when 

i’ve undone everything

and we’re both lighter

and unfettered

made simple

singular again

freed to be better

at being not conforming

no comfort in the contortion

the distortion

no longer disturbing

it no longer will do

what is it to make do

when all this was some

fake through?

you passed to the other side when

i was looking

where i thought we were going

and it’s okay

it’s light

it is

it works out right

lefty left me i left you

thankful no one is hard

burnt bitched 

scraped

down to scorched bitter

instead the sugar is caramelized

sticks to my fingers, yours too

it’s like magic

it morphs upon examination

but this is not my doing or undoing

not my recipe for disaster or just deserts

this long spun mostly sweet ending

still shared between me and you

nothing lost nothing regretted

or

everything freed nothing regretted

the pound of flesh the pint of tears

the rolled out rolled up years

a gift a risk a love explored

a depth reached

a strength scored.

text: emily basa besa

(via crystalisms)

dissolution

this solution

it’s saline

it’s readily absorbed

integrated not ignored

this sadness

doesn’t even tip into a series of sobs

just one S O B

and that’s plenty

a hiccup

a reflex

a skip, a scratch in the groove

and you pick it up

and move along

get on with it

that’s the human urge

the detox

the purge

scrub til you’re pink

prune up in hot water

while you have a think

lock eyes in the

fogged over mirror

and affirm

still here

still thrilled to be feeling

as that is the healing.

art: Januz Miralles

it is simple enough: 

this is the debris on the side of the freeway

a single shoe

jagged shattered empties

curiously standing as if installed

danger fills the shoulder

the runaway lane

the safety buffer should you fall asleep at the wheel and you did

strewing not petals but 

a careless topography of waste

who are you?  did you really push your dog out the window

the brown pelt still fuzzy wanting caresses

how is this cruelty possible

how do you love and leave and live on

when in your wake, there tumble things and beings dear, discarded and

ruined but still recognizable as once useful

once loved.  emptied, drawn out, this will have to suffice for last rites

i concentrate on not hitting any of it, not coming too close, just the

recognition is paying respects.  slide a free hand down the face and

hope for peace, close those eyes and power through

the tears eventually come, they always do.

art: ricardo machado

there is no breaking you

oh i cannot undo the 

loving you

oh love 

sweet one 

i see you 

and the time for this

dazzling bright

almost too ripe

before it goes off

flick that switch

lashed bound to

the pleasure of separation

and again but harder

the second time around

anticipation 

find the switch

make it

boy girl

lady boy

boy toying

tying the mess up

light bondage

lashes linked by sleep

bonded by tears

the dream lucid

the life we make

alone but together 

i had a taste for you

and the knowledge

as i put that to bed forever

is that i am no one’s princess

there is no wicked witch

no spell to be broken

just mortals

all of us

making the most of this.

i see you 

not fractured

but facetted

so bright and dazzling

i am pierced with light

peace comes in shattering

art: Doug Aitken